I've felt this color before. It was 3 years ago. When she made the announcement & held up her left hand there appeared the 'thing". It was shiny & sparkly & huge. First I smiled on the outside but on the inside I began screaming why her? why not me? She went on and on about how fantastic & wonderful & blessed she was. On the outside I was smiling on the inside I shouted shut up, so what but wait..I like her I'm happy for her. Now the tears began to fall. How sick am I that I couldn't be happy for someone I cared about. With that she grabbed my hand as if she could read my thoughts. God hears you. Don't worry it will happen for you too. Trust God and watch what happens and a year later it did. I was not jealous I was hurt. She was getting what I prayed for. Was desperate for. But when I began to rejoice for her God blessed me. And here again is this color I feel. An announcement every week from someone else not me. Oh the joy they feel of the new life growing inside. Again the tears come and that feeling that color but its not green. I'm not Jealous I'm blue. Sadness. BUT GOD I focus on what is not seen instead of what is seen my eyes are fixed, my mind is made up, my vision is clear. What he does for one he will do for me. In his time not mine. So I press toward the promise. And I envision and hope and then I smile. No longer Blue but Golden.
This is a real place Shalonda on SO many levels. And don't feel alone, mad or bad about how you feel cause it is a real place. A honest place. That if we are real we all have felt. But trust me in his time it is better. Think about the people you were with at times and if it would have happen with them it would be a mess now. But God's timing is perfect and when you are READY it will happen. And I will be o the side line genuine and happy celebrating with you in the back ground!
ReplyDeleteTHANKS...I wasnt going to post this but thats how I was feeling & so I did. I got it out & I feel better. Real place real people. Love ya
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