ITS NOT GREEN ITS BLUE

I've felt this color before. It was 3 years ago. When she made the announcement & held up her left hand there appeared the 'thing". It was shiny & sparkly & huge. First I smiled on the outside but on the inside I began screaming why her? why not me? She went on and on about how fantastic & wonderful & blessed she was. On the outside I was smiling on the inside I shouted shut up, so what but wait..I like her I'm happy for her. Now the tears began to fall. How sick am I that I couldn't be happy for someone I cared about. With that she grabbed my hand as if she could read my thoughts. God hears you. Don't worry it will happen for you too. Trust God and watch what happens and a year later it did. I was not jealous I was hurt. She was getting what I prayed for. Was desperate for. But when I began to rejoice for her God blessed me. And here again is this color I feel. An announcement every week from someone else not me. Oh the joy they feel of the new life growing inside. Again the tears come and that feeling that color but its not green. I'm not Jealous I'm blue. Sadness. BUT GOD I focus on what is not seen instead of what is seen my eyes are fixed, my mind is made up, my vision is clear. What he does for one he will do for me. In his time not mine. So I press toward the promise. And I envision and hope and then I smile. No longer Blue but Golden.

I'M OVER IT...I THINK

Now this feeling that I feel has crept up on me. I thought I didn't care anymore but I do..umm kinda. My name was dragged through the mud. I was lied on. Could never really find the culprit but I thought I didn't care. But I find myself being totally offended by the fact that "someone" decided to lie on me and "friends/family" decided that I could be capable of spreading mess. And instead of asking me personally they just decided to believe the worst. This changed relationships so it did hurt. Now I can handle when things fall apart because of something I may have done..I'm not perfect. But when I have done nothing it bothers me. But then I remember. They lied on Jesus so who am I? Get over it Shalonda. Pray for the people and keep it moving. OK I'm over it..no really I am.

CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET

Happy new year! This week I am cleaning out my mental closet. I am fasting from my favorite past times, Twitter and Facebook. So far so good no withdrawals. It's always good to start out the new year with a fast. Time to reflect and get in good position to hear from God. I am expecting major things from God this year so I have to be sure that I am doing what I need to do so our relationship is good so I can hear his voice. I began reading a journal I have kept since 2007. I realized I had not written in my journal since 2008 and that kinda troubled me but then I was reminded 2009 is when I began my blog. Relief. I almost thought I allowed my thoughts to fly out the window but I shoulda known I'm too fly for that. So God did some major things for me in 2007, 2008 now I must go back and read over my 2009. Today at church I learned the number is 10 is the number of fulfilment. So I am expecting something major this year so as I fast on this week I am expecting great things. This is year will be awesome.